A Charade

It seems to me all a charade,

Just say what you’re wanting to say.

Why continue living this game,

Why go on in  agonizing pain?

You say, ‘Who knows what will happen now?

We’ll see what the future holds,”

but even now, you can’t even look at me,

As the heartache has taken its toll.

Love was lost so long ago,

what is it we are waiting for,

it’s too late to turn back now,

it’s too hard to close this door.

And so the draft come barreling in,

As our hearts grow colder still,

towards love, towards each other, towards all others,

as ever weaker grows the will.

And so we continue to lay our heads,

on the same cold and heartless bed,

Only to rise once again,

In the morning, our thoughts left unsaid.

And so, the emptiness continues to grow,

With indifference latched in tow,

And sweet bitterness takes ahold,

Until we are ready to let it go.

Not tonight

You say you walk on egg shells,

but you’re a fucking liar.

You walk on the coals you lit,

one after another.

you say that you are tired

of the constant accusations

just give you a chance you say,

neglecting my heart-wrenching frustrations.

Another skirt, another eyelash,

Batted just your way.

You say, “I have no control over that.”

As you dig into another slice of cake.

You’ve no concern for the hell I’ve endured,

hoping one day you’d notice the pain,

Of the woman in the shadows waiting,

the diamond, now a dead-weighted chain.

She’s the woman you once chased,

with promises of undying love and affection

Now, you simply await your escape,

to finally be rid of your affliction.

She is waiting too,

Like  a moth to a flame, she’s tried.

But what’s been done, can never be undone,

as what was once undying, dies.

She is wretched now, as her shoulders slump this night.

She is preparing to tell her 9 year old son.

Daddy isn’t coming home tonight.

Unsafe

It’s dark and I feel alone
The night is damp and cold
There’s a tapping at the window
I’m sure it’s just a tree,
Was that a shadow
that just passed over me?
There are noises in the house.
Did someone get  inside
Or is it just a mouse, or a thief roaming outside?
Should I go check?
as I pull the covers over my head.
Beside me my son sleeps soundly,
He’s so trusting
In the security I’m providing.
My heart is pounding
my head is clouding
I do not trust my own instincts.
Should I grab a bat?
I haven’t any gun.
No one told me I’d be the protector of my house
When you left me here alone.
I wish you were here to check the noise,
I wish your strength remained strong,
But your heart was weak
And your devotion undone.
A branch brushes the roof,
The wind howls on the eaves
I hold my sleeping babe ever tightly,
As the terrors rock me to sleep.

alone

I don’t want to be alone

Facing the world on my own

No friend to care,no love to share

Reaping what I’ve sewn.

I’ve played with fire far too long

Letting it burn what once was strong

Watching it destroy where I once belonged

Harvesting my every wrong.

This is not what I wanted

Losing this game of pretend

Perfectly poised, perfectly perfect

Coming to an end.

I refuse to let it happen

I can not end the charade

But this house of cards is built on shaky ground

And the walls have begun to sway.

I’ll have no one to blame

For me, no one will come

There will be no one to hear my cries

As I pass on alone.