A Charade

It seems to me all a charade,

Just say what you’re wanting to say.

Why continue living this game,

Why go on in  agonizing pain?

You say, ‘Who knows what will happen now?

We’ll see what the future holds,”

but even now, you can’t even look at me,

As the heartache has taken its toll.

Love was lost so long ago,

what is it we are waiting for,

it’s too late to turn back now,

it’s too hard to close this door.

And so the draft come barreling in,

As our hearts grow colder still,

towards love, towards each other, towards all others,

as ever weaker grows the will.

And so we continue to lay our heads,

on the same cold and heartless bed,

Only to rise once again,

In the morning, our thoughts left unsaid.

And so, the emptiness continues to grow,

With indifference latched in tow,

And sweet bitterness takes ahold,

Until we are ready to let it go.

Not tonight

You say you walk on egg shells,

but you’re a fucking liar.

You walk on the coals you lit,

one after another.

you say that you are tired

of the constant accusations

just give you a chance you say,

neglecting my heart-wrenching frustrations.

Another skirt, another eyelash,

Batted just your way.

You say, “I have no control over that.”

As you dig into another slice of cake.

You’ve no concern for the hell I’ve endured,

hoping one day you’d notice the pain,

Of the woman in the shadows waiting,

the diamond, now a dead-weighted chain.

She’s the woman you once chased,

with promises of undying love and affection

Now, you simply await your escape,

to finally be rid of your affliction.

She is waiting too,

Like  a moth to a flame, she’s tried.

But what’s been done, can never be undone,

as what was once undying, dies.

She is wretched now, as her shoulders slump this night.

She is preparing to tell her 9 year old son.

Daddy isn’t coming home tonight.

Honesty

Don’t get too comfortable

I always have one foot out the door.

You may think that you have won,

As I bide my time to settle the score.

You look at me in shock

As if this is news to you

You thought it was over with

As if the expiration on pain were past due.

Was it really so easy,

For you to get over the guilt.

Have you forgotten what you put me through

And disregarded the wall that was built?

You thought you had mounted the hurdle,

An insignificant fence,

But I only allowed you a foothold,

So as to knock you down again.

You look at me astounded

Apalled by just a glimpse

Of the cunning and conniving

That has consumed me ever since.

You thought this was behind us,

My anguish kept unseen,

My torment upkept in secret

To provide for the unfolding scene.

I see the pain behind your eyes

Of not knowing where you stand

As your wary mind searches for a sign,

Trying to understand.

You’ve been walloped in the gut,

Awakened from your sleep,

Your universe has shifted

And you grieve for your inner peace.

After all the pain you caused

I finally have the upper hand

Your consciousness is shaken

Your head is in your hands.

But there is no finale,

For the hurt I’ve put you through,

Though vengeance is finally mine

I’m still hurting too.

I wish I didn’t cry

If I could have any power

I would wish I didn’t cry.

I don’t want to tip my hand while before me u stand

Offering up yet another lie.

I wish the tears were smiles

That struck your wretched heart

That Convicted ur sin and the monster within

And the lives u wrecked apart.

I wish the drops would evaporate

Before they even begin.

I wish the salt wouldn’t sting my eyes

And betray my heart’s condition.

I wish my red cheeks were only rosy

And my sniffles would entirely cease

And my stare were Icy instead of wilted

To bring you to your knees.

I wish I saw fear in you, not pity,

As you watch my traitorous face,

That betrays the wrath of my anger

And the fire of my rage.

Do not mistake my weeping,

It is a solace to you alone,

To lure you into complacence

while my memory burns what you’ve done.

Grow comfortable in your mistaken triumph

You think your apology settled the score,

But like a Phoenix rising from the ash

This is just the start of the war.

Super Powers

I wish I could read your mind
I wish what you were thinking, wasn’t such a surprise.
What is happening behind those darkened eyes?
I wish I knew your every thought
Whether I stood before you or not.
When I think of you, do you think of me too,
Or am I a thought that’s lost?
I wish I had power over your heart.
That it would be mine even when we’re apart
If I could I would, that without me it wouldn’t start
Whenever you awoke in another’s arms.
Powers over the mind and heart, I have not.
Fading, are the few charms I’ve got.
It’s a losing war I’ve fought,
Relinquishing the love I thought I caught,
Abandoning forever, the dream I once sought.
Consoling the heartache you wrought.