A Charade

It seems to me all a charade,

Just say what you’re wanting to say.

Why continue living this game,

Why go on in  agonizing pain?

You say, ‘Who knows what will happen now?

We’ll see what the future holds,”

but even now, you can’t even look at me,

As the heartache has taken its toll.

Love was lost so long ago,

what is it we are waiting for,

it’s too late to turn back now,

it’s too hard to close this door.

And so the draft come barreling in,

As our hearts grow colder still,

towards love, towards each other, towards all others,

as ever weaker grows the will.

And so we continue to lay our heads,

on the same cold and heartless bed,

Only to rise once again,

In the morning, our thoughts left unsaid.

And so, the emptiness continues to grow,

With indifference latched in tow,

And sweet bitterness takes ahold,

Until we are ready to let it go.

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I am not that girl anymore

I once believed in fairytales

That the prince would come and rescue me.

I once believed in make-believe,

That life could be anything I wanted it to be.

I once believed in one true love

That my husband would have eyes for only me

I once believed in hopeless romance,

That love could overcome any feat.

But the fairies’ wings have come undone,

And the prince has fallen from his steed,

And life is not at my beck and call,

But plots for me in conniving, malevolent schemes.

And true love,

Nothing but deceit and dishonesty

Roses, chocolates, romance,

A charade to subject my will submissively.

My eyes are finally opened,

And my heart has closed its door,

My will has defeated my compassion,

And I am not that girl anymore.

 

I once believed his lies

Sacrificed my happiness for his

Submitted myself to his pleasures

And my own heart I dismissed.

I lost the girl I was

My inner strength, my soul, my pride,

On the outside I was smiling

While my spirit withered inside.

Old pictures brought only tears

Of the girl I used to be

Old friends could barely recognize

The figure masquerading as me.

I hurt for who I had become

I longed for the girl I was before

But even as yearned for her

I knew I was no longer that girl anymore.

 

As I pick up the fragments

Of who I used to be

And piece together the puzzle

Of the past, the present and the future unseen

I can only look back and forgive

And relieve my shoulders of the remorse

Not for what he did,

But for what I did in setting the course.

I must let go of regret,

I must let go of shame

I must let go of the grief I hold

When I re-open the wounds again and again.

It won’t happen tomorrow,

For time is a fickle friend

Prolonging the hours of misery

And flying when you’re most content.

But one day, every hurt and heartache

Cut by folly’s sword

Will warily be laid to rest

And I will no longer be that girl anymore.